Back on track...trying to...

Hereby I leave my thoughts

Know that you are in every single one of them

To be frank, I don't mean to stop

Because the way you make me feel

Things only achieved by a real man

Let me be honest, sir, I'm not stupid for leaving

I'm stupid for fighting

Against such a beautiful feeling

Our faces can't deny it

I'm glad to be where I am

It helped me to take a stand

I know exactly the way to go and where to be

Needless to say, you will be with me

Can't seem to understand how and why we're this close

Can say the things I love the most

Your laugther, your smile, your eyes

An affection I can't disguise

When I'm with you, I feel protected and loved

It really looks like you've been sent from above

To be by my side through this tough rain

You made me forget the meaning of pain

In such short time we realized we're perfect to each other

Who knew? I was just alone on my corner...

Wish I had let you kidnap me sooner

But after everything you've done

I know our story has just begun...

Reinventing myself

I thought I knew how to be a grown up

I thought I'd have no difficulties in standing up

Feeling so little, and so fragile

I see something that builds me up again

A smile

Gratitude? No need

When I'm the one who learned how to live

Learned the difference between honesty and deception

Ordinary and exceptional

What's real what's totally magical

Tenderness, care

Offered for free? I used to dare

Findings like this existed

Reality is way opposite, this is mystic

Silly? Dreamer?

I might be

Why not live something that sets me free?

Why not enjoy it 'til the last drop?

Damn, I don't think wanna stop...

Surrender

I give up

Fighting my wishes and deny this love

When you know that this feeling might not be enough

And everything else seems to be a sin

Either way… I give in

Facing this war I’ve started myself

From outside, I see someone else

Two women who fought for not meeting each other

Agreeing it’s time to get older

Who knew that this partnership would come forth?

Who knew that them both had the same broken heart?

Choices were imposed and demanded

The decision was by them suspended

Tired of trying to find a magic spell

Tired of waiting for a kiss that would ring a bell

Still, things happen when you least expect

Someone who looks at you with admiration and respect

Not easy to find

They did, and tried to hide

It’s fair to say that it was in vain

It was so overpowering that’s hard to explain

Two people dwelling the same body

Different needs different desires

Deciding between adventure and love

I don’t mean to bother

But one does really exclude the other?

Decisions....decisions...

Struggling with my own self

Just me, no one else

Wondering how to make such a hard call

Beside all of this mess, feeling so small

Maybe God has a plan to us all

Maybe all of this is simply my fault

I wish I could run as fast as I can

Knowing that, at some point, I'll have to take a stand

Spending nights awake, trying to remember the why

Lay on the pavement, stare at the sky

Hope answers come down from up above

Is there a better bet than love?

Hearts can't think as brains do

But again, who does? Nor me or you

Take a leap of faith has become too hard

Wish I have thought of that from the start

Who is right? Who is wrong? Who to blame?

There's no way I can remove this stain

Questioning just brings more and more pain

And now Lord, what is there to gain?

Farewell

Yes indeed

It is time to leave

Time to explore and understand

How deep I can sink my feet on the sand

Breathe the free air that's been taken from me

Open my horizons, let me be

Some people might ask why I left

They might not get it or think it's a lousy bet

I'm pretty serious about the why

But maybe I do think the world can be mine

Sorrow comes at night

When I'm reminded of the people I'm leaving behind

Love, family, friends, it's true

I'm gonna miss every single one of you

And for those who believed I was ready to fall

And for those who wished I lost it all

Here I am....standing tall again

Sorry to disappoint, it was just a quick rain

I'm leaving to be greater

I'm leaving to be better

Never mind the path is hard

I'm following what really is gonna matter

My heart.

Learning...

Whatever life brings us we should be grateful for, it doesn't mean we can't question things, it means to embrace it as a learning process. What have I learned through this? Well, I could say a lot, but that wouldn't be enough, not even for myself, so here we go:

I've learned that no matter how hard we try to deceive ourselves, the essence of a being is immutable and if you try too hard, it's possible that things can be too fake; I've learned that even when people seem to be nice and decent, still they have the capability to screw you up; I've learned that our heart doesn't work as well as our brain, so I might as well start using the second one; I've learned that I have absolutely no knowledge of who I am or who I wanna be, I just know who I'm not, guess that's a nice beginning; I've learned friends can be friends no matter where I am, but it's priceless when I "allow" them to be closer to me...

I'm in love with the idea of exploring the unknown, but I'm scared to realize that maybe I want too much, and who wants too much, ends up with nothing but their sad and lonely self.

Digging...

And when you think your life is already planned and your dreams are about to come true, there's a cold wind and blows it away...Can't lie, there are things I really miss, I miss trusting blindly, I miss the lack of worry about the future, I miss being naive and being a dreamer...I miss my ignorance, 'cause let's face it, sometimes we're happier this way...But then, there's this wake up call, and you open your eyes for greater and better things...Like a walk near the pool on a rainy evening, or swimming at the most beautiful beach ever, nights of endless laughters, hold hands, have meals together, when your qualities really overcome your flaws and you feel like a woman, not a girl...
After some thought, it's really normal to miss our childhood, so, it's not a sin to miss those moments...but then, again, you can't leave the present to regret the past, it's dead and gone...My present is what matters most to me now, and I'm back on my feet, starting to believe in the future again....a new future, new home, new friends, new culture, new me.